For many women, Mother’s Day is a day that brings the struggle of depression and a painful, barbed sense of emptiness. Women who long to have children, but have not been able to conceive, or women who have lost children to sickness and disease, miscarriage or abortion, yearn to embrace their little one. Your dreams remain only dreams and become a voiceless hunger. Mother’s Day often exposes the hurt you’ve so often internalized and the sense that perhaps you’re somehow “broken.”
In church on Mother’s Day, when all the mothers are rightfully honored and receive their much deserved praise, you silently sit with tears running down your cheeks, and wonder, “Why Lord? How long must I wait?” “Why did our child have to die?” “We prayed Lord, why didn’t You heal our precious little one?” These unanswered questions seem to stir up the uninvited and profound emotions of grief, loneliness, guilt, shame, pain and then anger. It feels like your identity as a woman is intensely tied to your ability to have and raise your own children.
While this is not an experience I personally share with you, I have navigated this painful journey for many years with my own daughter. As a woman of faith with over 40 years of ministry experience, may I encourage you to begin the process of healing by challenging your thoughts regarding the truth of your identity? Consider Job. On the heels of his multiple, devastating losses, do you remember all of the questions and protests he presented to God? Over and over again Job inquired, “Doesn’t He see?” “Why must the godly wait for Him in vain?” (Job 24:1b). And here’s a big one, “Who is the Almighty, and why should we obey Him? What good will it do us to pray?” (Job 21:15). But have you ever noticed that when God showed up, Job didn’t ask one more question? Not one. For Job discovered that the presence of God was the answer. “I have heard of You…but now my eyes see you?” (Job 42:5). Job is a book about Job’s transformation—not God’s, and how God makes himself known to the brokenhearted. Most often, God will not give you all of the answers to your questions; rather, He gives you himself.
It is the presence of God that makes us the people of God. Your identity is in Him. As a believer in Jesus Christ, you are a blood bought daughter of the living God. You are chosen of God, holy and dearly loved (Col.3:12; 1 Thess. 1:4). You are hidden with Christ in God (Colossians 3:3). These are the significant aspects of your identity. Neither your race, your gender, nor your status as a mother or not, are as important as your position in Christ. Moses understood that his identity, and the identity of the people, was in God and affirmed by God’s presence when Moses declared, “For Your presence among us sets Your people and me apart from all other people on the earth” (Exodus 33:15b).
This Mother’s Day, I pray that the Holy Spirit, who is The Comforter, by the immediacy of His presence, will embrace you with His comfort in dimensions you have never before known. May Jesus, the “heart-mender,” minister to your heart with His healing touch. And may God our Father, lovingly encircle you, as if in a cocoon of His glory, and give you contentment of heart … contentment to live into the delights of your present moments and blessings instead of the unsettled longings of the “what if’s” or the “if only’s.” May your desire for intimacy in your relationship with God grow to exceed any other desire in your life. And may you live into the reality that with Christ “in you,” you are truly a source of life everywhere you go.
This Mother’s Day, take a moment to ask God to show you who might need a hug, a card or an encouraging word. It’s a way of giving life, and you may never know how your simple kindness may brighten someone’s day or heal a wounded heart, and how your heart may be touched in the process as well.
May I also offer some additional practical helps as you move forward?
- On Mother’s Day, it’s okay to give yourself permission to grieve, for grief is not a sign a weakness or little faith; it’s evidence of having loved, and when you have loved deeply or suffered a deep, unfilled longing of your heart, you will grieve deeply. If attending church on Mother’s Day seems too painful, skip it! Do something that brings you delight and peace, like going to the beach, taking a walk in a beautiful setting, or getting a massage.
- Expect that some people will say hurtful and really stupid things…because they truly don’t understand. Be quick to forgive, knowing that they simply don’t know. Cherish your relationships and don’t let words spoken in ignorance sever friendships.
- Connect with another woman who understands. But before you reach out, I encourage you to inquire of God who that woman should be. Ask Him to show you someone who is sensitive enough to really listen and mature enough in their faith to help you see Him through your pain and find healing beyond it. Here’s what I’ve learned, “When I’m the only one I’m talking to, I’m generally getting bad advice!” There is wisdom in seeking Godly counsel.
- Continue to spend time with God in His Word and in prayer. Honestly share your feelings and thoughts with Him…He can take it, and better yet, He understands and has your good in His heart and mind. Perhaps begin in the Psalms, and pray for faith to trust in Him, even in the midst of your pain.
- Gratefully serve others. Serving others helps you to take your focus off of yourself, and when you do, you’re often able to see, and be grateful for, all of the blessings that God has given you. Jesus said, “Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows…” (John 16:33b). I’ve never seen that on a refrigerator magnet or a needlepoint pillow! Yet, In the midst of this reality, Jesus also promises that He will never leave you (cf. Matt. 28:20; Heb. 13:5). He will be with you in the midst of every trial, every sorrow and sadness, and every moment of loneliness. Let your gratitude begin there, and before long, it will grow to fill your heart.
Maureen is an ordained minister in the Foursquare Church and a Certified John Maxwell Team Coach, Speaker and Trainer. Along with her husband Lance, she serves as a member of the Servant’s Council at The Church on the Way, where they also provide pastoral leadership for the Grief Recovery Ministries.
